chatarra

Welcome to Junior High School, the ultimate training ground for the experiences and challenges of every day life until retirement is reached at age 65. The skills you will learn here are invaluable for success in any chosen profession.

• Being Beaten: You may have been alpha dog in your primary school, perhaps the most feared child on the playground, but now you’re at the bottom of the food chain again. Regular beatings from older classmates prepares a young adult for future promotions and job opportunities, creating the same violent environment bestowed upon all newcomers to any professional workplace.

• Being Verbally Abused: Continuous verbal abuse from classmates and faculty prepares a young adult for annual performance reviews in the real world. The formulaic ignoring of your positives and the highlighting of every negative aspect of your existence is something any successful professional should be prepared for.

• Vigilantism: Comprehension that the faculty/management doesn’t care about you or your personal problems - being more concerned with covering potential liability - is crucial for survival in the workplace. Scores are always settled at the bike rack after classes because nothing ever gets accomplished in the Principal’s office. Smaller male adolescents who are unable to physically challenge a transgressor learn how to covertly seek revenge on their tormentors or perceived enemies by retaliatory property crimes.

• Accountability: Surviving Junior High School is your responsibility. Any failure to prosper and post high test scores is ultimately your fault. “Non-Hackers” should expect a career in gas pumping or burger tossing.