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11 posts tagged dogs

Este tío es el DIOS de las respuestas por email. Muero del descojone.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
To: David Thorne

Do you have pets in the apartment or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
To: Helen Bailey

Dear Helen,

No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.

Regards, David.

Metal pets

“Shana is a four year-old Collie/Shepherd mix. She was rescued from a local pet shelter, and her name is a cross between Shaun of the Dead and Shane Embury because she has a big appetite. Her favorite bands are High on Fire, Lair of the Minotaur, and Mastodon because they wrote songs about wolves (“Speedwolf,” “The Wolf,” and “The Wolf is Loose,” respectively). She considers herself a Wolf in her Throne Room (the living room) and sits on her Barkthrone (the futon) with imposing authority. Whenever I play Municipal Waste, she starts doing a one-dog circle pit; she thrashes like a maniac while chasing her own tail.”

Do you have a metal pet?