110 posts tagged philosophy
How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
by Thor Harris
1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
2-If you fart, claim it.
3-Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
8-Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
13- Driver picks the music.
14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
17-Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?
18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
19-Fast food is Poison.
20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
21- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris
“So you’re born, right? And not 30 minutes after you take that first breath of fresh air and monster piss you’ve been holding in for 9 months, you get this warm, round thing shoved in your face that is full of food and is tailor made for someone your current size and shape to be able to use without any instruction.
For the next year, all you need to do is yell out, and these perfect globes of engineering appear to appease you. Quite literally EVERYTHING you need to survive is provided by 2 godlike melons that are at your beck and call.
Suddenly, and quite arbitrarily, the greatest thing in the world is taken away. It becomes “uncouth” to cry and reach for breasts at the mall. From 3 until whenever-you-find-a-girlfriend, the world is full of your favorite things, heaving up and down like schooner rounding Cape Horn, and you are 100% powerless to do anything about it.
Worse still, around 10, still YEARS away from touching one yourself, you aren’t even allowed to look at the jiggly goodness without fear of getting labeled a pervert.
This is why men don’t cry and are emotionally distant. Having the only thing you want taken away, hidden, then brought back into your life with hundreds of rules and social mores governing your behavior around them is maddening.”
I am 36 years old and have been a criminal all my life. I have 11 felony convictions against me. I have served time in jails, reform schools and prisons. I know why I’m a criminal, others may have different theories but I have no theory about it. I know the facts. In my life time I have broken every law that was ever made by both man and God. If either had made any more, I should very cheerfully have broken them also. I have murdered 21 human beings, I have committed thousands of burglaries, robberies, larcenies, arsons and last but not least I have comitted sodomy on more than 1.000 male human beings. For all these things I am not the least bit sorry. The mere fact that I have done these things is quite sufficient for the average person. Very few people even consider it worthwhile to wonder why I am what I am and do what I do. All that they think is necessary to do is to catch me, try me, convict me and send me to prison for a few years, make life miserable for me while in prison and then turn me loose again. That is the system that is in practice today in this country. The consequences are that anyone and everyone can see crime and lots of it. I would not reform even if the front gate was opened now and I was given a million dollars when I stepped out. I have no desire to do good or become good. I don’t believe in man, God nor Devil. I hate every human being including myself.
“A journal of murder”. Carl Panzram, 1928.
(el retrato y los recuerdos, obra de Joe Coleman)
“Interesting things do not happen to passive people. Interesting things happen to active people. People who take an active role in shaping their lives. When interesting things happen to passive people, it’s usually because they “break character”. They stop doing what they usually do and do something else instead, and the ball gets rolling. Murakami’s passive protagonists never break character. They exhibit an unsettling ability to not learn anything, nor take any sort of action that isn’t forced on them by other agents.”